Fall

Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you

And I know,

You can’t always catch the things that fall

But why do I still hope

When I know you’ll never do

 

Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you

And I know, I shouldn’t have

But just like the direction of wind,

I can never control love

 

Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you

I’m hopelessly lost,

That I couldn’t even tell how far I’ve fallen

But I don’t care,

As long as you’re there to pick me up

 

Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you

And I know that falling means loving,

And loving means hurting

But how could I run

When all I could ever think was falling

 

Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you

And I wanted to be the one you’ll hold,

Not the one you just adore

But I don’t understand…

Just like the leaves, why can’t my feelings wither too?

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An Open Letter to the Friend I’ve Lost

Things might have changed in our friendship but still, there were days I would think about you.

It still breaks my heart to look back and think of all the good times we shared- how we would laugh at our stupidest jokes and how we would talk about the dreams and secrets that only both of us knew. We were a bit deeper than that, or so I thought.  But I guess some good things just don’t last. I wanted to thank my lucky stars that it wasn’t us. But it was.

I knew, with the deepest certainty I’ve ever felt, we weren’t anymore the same people we once were.

It’s amazing how time changes things. But I never knew time could change you that quick. At first I was confused with all your awkward silences. How else was I supposed to know what was going on? I could face all the pains and doubts as long as they weren’t from you. But they were and it hurts.

I wondered maybe life pulls us in different directions for us to learn and grow. But it’s just sad that we had to grow apart. It sure was painful. Even with the brief time we’d been together, the idea of us drifting apart still makes my heart sink.

I used to think you were my friend who would patiently stay with me. A friend who would gladly clap to my victories. A friend who would always try to understand my words and actions. And a friend who would defend me in my absence.

But I guess I thought wrong. Maybe you just weren’t.

For the last time, I tried to reach out. You didn’t.

Whenever people ask me about you, I just couldn’t bring myself to answer. I had no idea. Whenever I see you hanging out with your new friends, I couldn’t help but wonder whether you’ve been thinking of me too. And I hope you still remember everything. Because I do.

I missed you. But how could I run after people who wouldn’t even bother to do the same? How could I anymore trust people who couldn’t even trust me?

I think we both know this is the end of the line. But with all the heartaches and whatnots, I still thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for you taught me to be stronger. I wish you well. And I hope you are happy, even without me.

To the Guy Who Kept Me Waiting

Wait for me, you said.

Sure, it was painful to see you leave. I couldn’t understand it. But somehow, those late-night talks that I didn’t mind losing sleep over, those warm smiles that kept those butterflies floating around inside me, and those dreams we shared together pushed me forward to hope in spite of the pain.

I always wondered how we had lost the connection we once had. How could it ever end? I was left waiting, stuck by my phone. Wondering why you didn’t always reply to my messages nor respond to my calls. I tried to console myself from your lack of response. I stood strong thinking maybe you just weren’t ready. That maybe you were just too scared of getting hurt. Or maybe you just needed time to sort through your priorities.

I tried hard to understand. I waited because you said so. And for me, that was enough.

Wait for me, you said.

I waited even though I was unsure if I could still call you mine. You kept pushing me away because you said you were confused. But I wasn’t. I was so sure of you that it already scared me.

I know that there are plenty more fish in the sea, but how could I when I already lived with the thought of spending the rest of my life with you.

There were even times I wished I could just move on. But because I loved you and you gave me reasons to stay, I stuck around.

Wait for me, you said.                                                                                  

I waited for you because I wanted to believe that you would come back, even though part of me knew that you wouldn’t.

But while I was proving the world how much you’re worth it, and that it’s worth it, you were proving otherwise.

I waited. I waited until time has passed and weeks became months. Months became years and years became silence.

Wait for me, you said. But how could I still wait for you when you weren’t even there?