how can I set my heart free
when summer and calendar inessentially remind me of you;
to an unexplained trust I hold,
scales and astrology unavoidably lead me to you;
drawn in your eyes, drown in your cerulean river;
before this all fade,
i hope,
it’s you.
and if now isn’t the time for us,
in another continuum,
against all rules,
against all reasons,
when you are ready,
i hope,
it’s me.
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
I once dreamt you’d catch me too
Oh the joy I felt,
That day you said you’ll always do
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
But unlike wind
That blows in all directions,
I will only turn towards you
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
A different fall
That blooms and grows
Letting me breathe, giving me life
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
But unlike trees that lose leaves in fall,
Falling for you-
Makes me feel whole and alive
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
A free fall with gravity-
Slow, beautiful, and constant
And love, I just want you to know…
Unlike leaves,
My love for you won’t wither,
It’s true.
Looking back 10 years ago, i was never the same person as I was today.
Witnessing your family’s struggles and pain definitely changes you. In a lot ways you’d ever think of.
Being the weak and crybaby as I was, it was hard; confusing, sometimes.
That’s when I knew I had to be strong. I had to fight. I had to speak.
Oh, the amount of courage I had to take in just to stop tears from flowing whenever I see my family struggle, knowing they need someone to draw strength from.
If there’s one thing life has taught me: oftentimes, even at your weakest, you need to act strong for the people you love.
Thankfully, at young age, I was exposed to this harsh reality. Helped me build genuine relationships with people, and at the same time value them.
But seeing all these, witnessing every heartbreak and pain one after the other, made me feel detached with everything.
I stopped hoping people will change. I stopped running after people. I started cutting ties. I started fighting.
Whether that’s a good thing or not, I am not sure. But building walls surely did help me from further hurt and grief from lost relationships not worth any of my time.
There are plenty of people who have nothing but bad intentions for you. People who will hurt you, and try to get the best of you. People who will make you inferior and will make you question your worth, worse, your heart.
There are people who will try to ruin you, and manipulate how others’ think of you.
There are people whom you will never be enough, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much good you do them.
I spent years trying to figure out what I did wrong, or where I was lacking. But growing up taught me that how other people treat you, or perceive you was never your problem.
It is theirs.
A product of their character.
Their insecurities.
Their own demons.
Their own battle to fight.
You’re scared. You’re hurt. You laugh without even feeling it. You want to tell the world. But every time you try to, they tell you you’re okay. But you’re not and it hurts.
You smile. You bring light. You keep going. You want them to take notice. You’re just tired, they say. But you’re not and you feel it.
The sadness will go away, or so you thought. How could you cry at night, when you know you could be happy even at the thought of the smallest things. But now you’re not and you know where it’s leading to.
You want to run away, and drop it all off. But how could you, when you still dream of things and of love. You think there is hope. You are just confused, they say. But you’re not and it’s taking too long.
Maybe you could tell somebody. But when you look, everyone else is fighting their own battles. You try to stay quiet. You must be lucky, they say. But you’re not. How could they say that.
You close your eyes. The pain is still there. Everything seems more cloudy now. You are a strong person, they say. But you’re not and it’s getting scarier now.
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
And I know,
You can’t always catch the things that fall
But why do I still hope
When I know you’ll never do
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
And I know, I shouldn’t have
But just like the direction of wind,
I can never control love
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
I’m hopelessly lost,
That I couldn’t even tell how far I’ve fallen
But I don’t care,
As long as you’re there to pick me up
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
And I know that falling means loving,
And loving means hurting
But how could I run
When all I could ever think was falling
Just like the leaves, I’ve fallen for you
And I wanted to be the one you’ll hold,
Not the one you just adore
But I don’t understand…
Just like the leaves, why can’t my feelings wither too?
Things might have changed in our friendship but still, there were days I would think about you.
It still breaks my heart to look back and think of all the good times we shared- how we would laugh at our stupidest jokes and how we would talk about the dreams and secrets that only both of us knew. We were a bit deeper than that, or so I thought. But I guess some good things just don’t last. I wanted to thank my lucky stars that it wasn’t us. But it was.
I knew, with the deepest certainty I’ve ever felt, we weren’t anymore the same people we once were.
It’s amazing how time changes things. But I never knew time could change you that quick. At first I was confused with all your awkward silences. How else was I supposed to know what was going on? I could face all the pains and doubts as long as they weren’t from you. But they were and it hurts.
I wondered maybe life pulls us in different directions for us to learn and grow. But it’s just sad that we had to grow apart. It sure was painful. Even with the brief time we’d been together, the idea of us drifting apart still makes my heart sink.
I used to think you were my friend who would patiently stay with me. A friend who would gladly clap to my victories. A friend who would always try to understand my words and actions. And a friend who would defend me in my absence.
But I guess I thought wrong. Maybe you just weren’t.
For the last time, I tried to reach out. You didn’t.
Whenever people ask me about you, I just couldn’t bring myself to answer. I had no idea. Whenever I see you hanging out with your new friends, I couldn’t help but wonder whether you’ve been thinking of me too. And I hope you still remember everything. Because I do.
I missed you. But how could I run after people who wouldn’t even bother to do the same? How could I anymore trust people who couldn’t even trust me?
I think we both know this is the end of the line. But with all the heartaches and whatnots, I still thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for you taught me to be stronger. I wish you well. And I hope you are happy, even without me.
Wait for me, you said.
Sure, it was painful to see you leave. I couldn’t understand it. But somehow, those late-night talks that I didn’t mind losing sleep over, those warm smiles that kept those butterflies floating around inside me, and those dreams we shared together pushed me forward to hope in spite of the pain.
I always wondered how we had lost the connection we once had. How could it ever end? I was left waiting, stuck by my phone. Wondering why you didn’t always reply to my messages nor respond to my calls. I tried to console myself from your lack of response. I stood strong thinking maybe you just weren’t ready. That maybe you were just too scared of getting hurt. Or maybe you just needed time to sort through your priorities.
I tried hard to understand. I waited because you said so. And for me, that was enough.
Wait for me, you said.
I waited even though I was unsure if I could still call you mine. You kept pushing me away because you said you were confused. But I wasn’t. I was so sure of you that it already scared me.
I know that there are plenty more fish in the sea, but how could I when I already lived with the thought of spending the rest of my life with you.
There were even times I wished I could just move on. But because I loved you and you gave me reasons to stay, I stuck around.
Wait for me, you said.
I waited for you because I wanted to believe that you would come back, even though part of me knew that you wouldn’t.
But while I was proving the world how much you’re worth it, and that it’s worth it, you were proving otherwise.
I waited. I waited until time has passed and weeks became months. Months became years and years became silence.
Wait for me, you said. But how could I still wait for you when you weren’t even there?
The most we are taught, as children, is to believe in love. They say that genuine happiness comes from a love that is true and pure. Well, it’s true. There is no greater happiness than loving a person and being loved in return.
Love is one of the best things that can happen to a person. It comes in your life in the least expected time and unconsciously sweeps you off your feet. It will make you realize how beautiful and bright the world is as long as you are together.
But despite all of these amazing things, love is far from a fairy tale. The fantasy that we hoped is what sets us up for disappointment. Because love isn’t always a bed of roses. It also has its thorns but you learn to love it, anyway. It can bring you pain as much as it brings you happiness. It makes you cry but the thought of having someone who cares deeply for you, can make you smile instantly. That’s the beauty of it. You can just take the thorns off roses and be happy again.
But just as how roses bloom, they also wither. Love, no matter how much you take care of it, if it isn’t meant to grow and live, it will die.
Building a lasting relationship is hardwork, as they say. It is a long, sometimes painful process that shouldn’t be rushed. Some relationships had tragic endings despite their happy beginnings.
But don’t give up. Just don’t. No matter how painful it may be, love is still the greatest thing that can happen to you. Love isn’t all about waiting for your prince charming who would ride to your house on his white horse or finding a fairy godmother who can help you with just one wave of her magic wand. It’s about finding someone who values your worth and respects your dreams, and someone who would make you accept yourself and appreciate reality.
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